Porn Detox Buddy Contract: Template and How to Enforce It

Accountability arrangements usually fail for a boring reason: nobody agreed what they involved. "Let's keep each other accountable" gets said, both people mean something different by it, and within three weeks it's two men who don't message each other.

Below is a contract you can copy out by hand or into a shared note in about ten minutes. Writing it down is most of the value, because it forces the specifics you'd otherwise leave vague.

The Template

Copy this, fill in the blanks together, and both keep a copy where you'll see it.

1. Purpose

One sentence each on why you're doing this and what a win looks like. Not "stop watching porn" but something concrete: "be present with my kids in the evenings," "stop losing mornings." Specific reasons survive week three; abstract ones don't.

2. Duration

A start date and an end date. "This agreement runs 90 days from the 1st." Open-ended agreements decay because there's never a moment of renewal. At the end you review and decide whether to continue.

3. Check-in rhythm

Be exact. "A voice note each evening, and a 15-minute call on Sunday at 8pm." Vague rhythms become no rhythm. Daily contact is more important than long contact.

4. What gets reported

Agree the actual list, or you'll each quietly define it differently. A workable version: current streak, any close calls, and the hardest moment of the day. Note what is not being reported too, since a contract that implies total disclosure creates dread.

5. The going-quiet clause

The most important line and the one most contracts omit. Silence is the relapse signal. Write down what happens if someone doesn't check in for two days: the other person calls, and it isn't treated as an accusation. Most relapses are preceded by withdrawal from contact, not by a confession.

6. Consequences

Keep them small and non-punitive. Press-ups, a fiver to a charity, buying the coffee. The purpose is a tiny bit of friction, not punishment. Heavy consequences produce concealment, which defeats the entire arrangement.

7. Rewards

Something you actually want at agreed milestones, ideally shared. Thirty days, sixty, ninety. Recovery that only ever produces obligations becomes unappealing to continue.

8. Signatures and date

Both sign it. It feels slightly silly, which is exactly why it works: the mild ceremony makes it harder to quietly abandon.

Enforcement That Isn't Surveillance

The distinction matters. Enforcement should reduce access, not create a monitor:

• Let your buddy hold the router password. Practical, and it doesn't involve reading anyone's history.
• Device check over video at agreed intervals. Agreed in advance, not sprung.
• Shared calendar for check-ins, so a missed one is visible without anyone having to accuse anyone.
• Both set locks in the same session. Symmetry matters. An arrangement where one person is being managed by the other doesn't survive.

Why These Break Down

• Asymmetry. If one of you has a problem and the other is helping, it becomes a favour, and favours expire. Both parties need something at stake.
• Shame in the response. One judgemental reply to a disclosed slip and you'll never hear about the next one. Agree the tone, not just the content.
• No end date. Without a review point it just fades, and fading feels like failure, which sours both of you on trying again.

What a Contract Can't Do

It's an agreement between two people who are both asleep at 2am. It makes relapses shorter and less frequent because it removes secrecy, but it isn't present at the moment of decision.

Pair it with something that doesn't need anyone awake. See how a lock you can't end early works, or start with the free porn addiction test to see where you're beginning from.